PGMA's Speech during the National Press Club's Gridiron Night

Fiesta Pavilion, Manila Hotel (30 April 2002)

Thank you very much Secretary Yong-Yong Afable.

Officers and members of the National Press Club led by Louie Logarta; officials of the Philippine government; other distinguished journalists and media practitioners; mga mahal kong kababayan; ladies and gentlemen:

I am pleased to pretend to be happy to join you tonight. Actually, I hate going to things like this. But I am sure that unlike me, you are genuinely happy that I am here because you do need me to make hakot for you. Not hakot the crowd but hakot those who will buy the tickets to this dinner -- because those are two different things. Because -- you notice how many empty tables there are? -- they bought seats but they are not interested in coming.

Paying guests like this are paying for the tickets not because they like me, it's just that the National Press Club after all these years now knows who are the usual milking cows. the government agencies who are afraid the press will be mean to them if they don't buy a table, or those who want to be promoted and therefore, they need a good press to advocate for them when promotion time comes. And the business groups who are afraid the government will be mean to them if they don't buy a table in an affair where the president is the guest of honor.

Well, you know who they are. You know who to sell tickets to because this is such a long-standing tradition -- the Gridiron. The Gridiron stems from a time-honored tradition of reminding Presidents of the power of the press -- as if the Presidents' need to be reminded. I know I don't need to be reminded. I am reminded every day when I read the papers, I'm reminded every night when I watch television. So I'm like those milking cows of the government and the private sector who buy your tables. I know you'll hit me even if I come, but you will hit me even more if I don't come. So I have to come. So, here I am.

Let me congratulate National Press Club president Louie Logarta and the National Press Club board of directors for hosting tonight's Gridiron dinner.

You have managed to continue a tradition and a media institution -- the tradition and the institution are a great dinner and a great skit. But traditionally, both are... Well, no... Traditionally, the dinner is tasty but traditionally the skit is tasteless. I am sure tonight's dinner and tonight's skit will be in accordance with the tradition. In other words, I am sure the food will be good but the skit will be bad I say good food -- because I like to be on the good side of Don Emilio Yap -- and I say bad skit anyway, because no matter what i'll say I'll be on the bad side of Louie Logarta's paper anyway. So, I might as well tell the truth about my judgment.

And I understand tickets are more expensive this year. On the other hand, I understand that you have not raised your fees for the writers, the director and the producer of the skit. What a shame doing it just before Labor Day at that. The Secretary of Labor should look into this.

But what I enjoy about Gridirons is that rather than professionals, you get amateurs from among your own to star in the show. Sure, they get to be boring that's why you have tickets sold out but tables empty, because they're boring. But they're not boring for me. Not for me because I've loved to watch plays and movies whether they're Broadway class, Hollywood class or class play class when I was still small, I was so stage struck. I'm still small, so I'm still stage struck.

And as far as I'm concerned, even if your captive audience, rather the staff of your captive audience -- see, they don't come so they just give out the tickets they bought to their staff -- even if the audience is bored, our actors will enliven my evening as far as I'm concerned with their spontaneity, their expected lapses, the inevitable misquotes and the sense of innocence just like my cabinet members. But actually, my cabinet members are not so innocent. They're getting wise to the ways of the world. Look, tonight there's no single cabinet member here in this hall. See, how wise they are -- they have better things to do with their time.

But on my part, because I have to be here and I like plays anyway, I look forward to the performance of the cast. This cast, just like my presidency, doesn't have to be great, just good. Or, some of you might even say, just like my presidency, this cast doesn't even have to be good basta makaraos lang, maka-survive lang.

Many members of the cast, in fact, are responsible for the bad press that Malacañang is now having. But I forgive them. To err is journalism; to forgive is presidential.

Speaking of the Presidency, I understand Louie Logarta is running for reelection on may 5th. I shall not wish him luck because I might be accused of electioneering; also, because actually I do not wish him luck. I understand Louie is running against two other contenders -- both from the Manila Bulletin. Remember what I said about wanting to be always on the good side of don Emilio? Now you know where my sympathies lie.

I understand there have been some intramural wars among the officers and directors of the National Press Club. Well and good. Will you believe me if I say that this is part of our media strategy to promote internal wars within the press? And will you believe me if i say that this is a responsibility that I entrusted to Angie Reyes? Remember he was the only cabinet member who was here, who was in the press club last year during the Gridiron. Now, even he is not here, not because he was plotting all your internal wars among you, but because he found out that cabinet members don't really come. So he has better things to do with his time so, he is not here either.

They say that Malacañang is a snake pit. But from what I have observed all throughout my public career of the NPC, the National Press Club is also a snake pit. And I guess, Malacañang is a snake pit, the press club is snake pit, now we know why Bobi Tiglao decided to leave for awhile. He couldn't stand the hissing. Imagine two snake pits, (laughter) having to live there, Malacañang na nga, media pa. Kawawa naman si Bobi Tiglao talaga.

In fact, most presidents have trepidations about the gridiron skit, even my cabinet you can see. But as for me, I have none. Maybe because last year the jokes were more on my predecessor than on me. Remember, that was the night before his arrest? But I think this year the jokes will be more on me, because one year is plenty of time to collect ridicule-worthy material about me. Maybe it will also be the night before my arrest. Anyway, I know how to take jokes at my expense. Really, I do. If you don't believe me, tatarayan ko kayo.

Filipinos have a great sense of humor. Our gross national humor is arguably the highest in the world. I should mention this in my next state of the nation address. It sounds good, even if it's irrelevant to the fight against terrorism and poverty. Anyway, we can always have a debate. Which is more relevant, the gross national humor or the gross national product? Or maybe, which is less relevant to poverty?

So, you can see I'm in a state of denial. I'm denying that you don't like me. I'm denying that I'm worried about what you'll say about me. So, in my state of denial, I'm pretending to be more worried about what you have to say about the katzenjammer twins, I mean, the Alvarez twins -- Sonny and Bebot. I'm worried about what you have to say about Lito Camacho whether he's mama's boy, wife's boy, daughter's boy, sister's boy. I'm worried about what you have to say about Dick Gordon, 'Wow Philippines" or "kiss me kate."

I'm worried about how you will portray your own noel "burnout" Cabrera. Look, even he is not here now -- actually, he's on vacation in the U.S. he needs a vacation because of his burnout. Or Bobi "scholar" Tiglao or Rafael Paeng "two-hundred peso bill" Buenaventura.

And is it true that you will portray Bobby Romulo as the real Secretary of Foreign Affairs? And how true is the rumor that your skit will portray Hernando Perez as the lover boy -- the lover boy of Batangas that is.

But please don't be too hard on my cabinet. I am protective of my cabinet members -- I only wish they were also quick enough to be protective of me. You can see, they've made me face you alone. They do that all the time, they make me face the world alone.

The fact is life in government is like going through a gridiron script. You get ridiculed for your mistakes, and you get jibes about your accomplishments. But we, as public officials must take all these things in stride even if we feel so pikon. Okay lang ang mataray, huwag lang pikon. Anong diperensya? Ang taray, external; ang pikon internal. I'm always going to explain -- madalas naririnig ko sa T.V. set 'pag nanonood ako ng news na sinabi ng beat reporter na napikon na naman si President Arroyo. Actually, hindi ako napipikon, mataray lang ako talaga. I have very even tempered, always mataray. But I have not internalized my katarayan, it's just a reflex action. It's not a deliberate expression of my true message.

Somebody told me that there is a growing effort in the media to play up the good news. Wow! He could have fooled me. I still see very few items that seem to go against the tradition of reporting the seedy part of the day. But I do hope indeed there are reformists. I wish they would start with the newspaper of the NPC president. Hopeless case? Nagbigay na ako ng one million sa National Press Club, ganun pa rin sila.. sige na nga, i'll settle for improving the direction and the acting in the Gridiron skit.

But I really appreciate the good news -- about personal heroism, values, human worth and community triumphs. Sometimes we tend to gloss over these things even if they are the real stuff of nationhood.

I see no reason why a good provincial story should not make page one, or a good metro report land on premium space. Let's give credit to the small-town mayor who helped us recover Jeffrey Schilling, or the hometown entrepreneur from San Rafael Bulacan who developed a 15,000-peso core shelter for calamity victims. Let's give credit to the people, they deserve a break.

By all means, let the media take down the spotty woodwork. God knows there are many underperforming public servants and there are many lousy programs. But let the battle focus on issues, on policy, on principles. We need relief from personal attacks so that the issues will surface in clear light.

Yes, get to the heart of a controversial policy. Analyze a bad piece of legislation, a bad proclamation. But do it with fervor and a genuine penchant for chronology and detail. Investigative journalism is one of the grindstones of policy. Done professionally, it promotes public interest.

Sometime this year, the national press club will celebrate its 50th year. Your golden anniversary will be a good time to reflect on the enduring relations between government and the press. Much of this relationship has involved golden moments, like EDSA 1 and EDSA 2. You are among those who led, and the people followed.

So, sometime this year, on the occasion of your golden anniversary, I would like to be able to invite you to a different kind of Gridiron -- a skit put up by the Malacañang staff and the Cabinet Secretaries. We will lampoon the media and the members of the journalistic profession.

The script will be written by Acting Press Secretary Yong-Yong Afable, with emotional flourishes by senior presidential consultant Dante Ang. And Dodi Limcaoco will take care of the miscues. It will be a showdown between government, the good and the press, the bad.

I would like Vice President Tito Guingona to head the production, with Romulo prompting him from the sidelines -- not Bert Romulo but Bobby Romulo.

What are some of the themes and sub-themes of the Malacañang skit? Act one: envelopmental journalism; act two: why everybody wants to be a columnist; act three: how to be a publisher without really trying; act four: the ac-dc syndrome; and act five: the kuryente school of newswriting.

I hope you will have an enjoyable evening rin as enjoyable as the evening I hope I will have tonight. If you see the few government officials who are here tonight crying -- the way I cried when I saw 'bagong buwan' -- you can be sure it's both tears of joy and tears of pain. Because, I guess I would rather cry than walk out. I hope you have good reviews tomorrow. But if not, blame the lighting.

As for me, of course I'll blame you. But more than that, I'll thank you. I'll thank you for the warmth, the camaraderie and the laughter. So, break a leg!

Thank you.